Well, it looks like it's that time of year again, and I'm not referring to that time when I shave off all my body hair and run up and down the street in my underwear. Yes, that's exhilirating, and yes, I feel very primal and animalistic when I do that, but it's not the subject of this post, so stop hoping. I said no, so don't ask anymore. Ok, now you just look desperate. Plus, this is a family website, we're trying to limit the off-color topics. We also have limits here on ingenuity, interesting subjects, and things that look like they might at some point become a subject.

Alright, enough horseplay. The topic at hand is that today is the 6 year anniversary of my hire date at my job. My job is like a girlfriend who's really rich, so reality dictates that you can't break up with her, but you still hate her. Except my salary is really low--so I guess my job is more like a homeless girlfriend who has cancer. The hate is equal, though.

I'm sure there are other jobs out there in jobland, but to dwell on that sort of thing is unproductive, and could possibly lead to me finding another job, which is quite obviously out of the question. If I got a different job, what’s next? Being comfortable with who I am as a person? Not being clinically depressed? That's a slippery slope, my friends. My father, who has since passed on (just kidding--he's still alive. Hey Dad.), taught me to list the pros and cons of a situation, in order to figure out the next best step. Despite the fact that finding a new job is not something I want to be involved with, I'll do it out of respect for him. (R.I.P.) <---joke

Pros

affair with female boss going well

wall calendar has pretty nice pictures

relatively high ceiling sometimes gives illusion of job not sucking

wall calendar in the number 4 spot as well

Cons

Job is not Sports Illustrated swimsuit photographer

Open cubicle prohibits having a good cry now and again

All web surfing closely monitored

You know what I'm talking about


At this point, you probably have a question that you're really proud of yourself for thinking of, like, "Rather than make clever little blog posts about your current job, why don't you devote your energy to finding a different one?"

You might even think your query to be incisive and thoughtful, when in reality, it's simply a question that makes no sense. Let me give you an example: "Why does the journey of a destination take the very life abundant?" Can you even begin to decode that? Of course you can’t. As you can see, some questions in life have no answer, and that's the end of that. I think the problem is, you expect everything to be explained from a frame of reference where I have ambition, or a will to live.

In closing, I'd like to bring up autistic people. They don't like it when the furniture is re-arranged, and sometimes they will arbitrarily hate certain colors. Yet many of them have extraordinary mathematical minds. Given this new information, do you still hate autistic people? Would you still yell at them for not having very good social skills? Okay, you probably wouldn't, so I'd appreciate it if you could lay off me for a second. Think of me like you would an autistic person, except for I'm not as picky with colors, and I won't have a seizure if you move the coffee table. Hey, that reminds me of a good tag line for a resumé, if I had one:

Autism: I will do you one better.

Alright, that’s enough job searching for this year. Looking for new work has me totally drained, as usual.