A year or so ago, before Georgia Tech played Connecticut for the NCAA basketball championship, I came across a photograph of the two coaches sharing a laugh. If you look in the background, you will see what is perhaps the most unflattering photograph ever taken of a human being since the invention of eyesight:


Ha ha! You think *I'm* homely? Look behind us!


Right, so that's either a woman with red hair, or a ferret with fetal alcohol syndrome. Or maybe a ferret with fetal alcohol syndrome and then someone poured hydrochloric acid on its chin. No no wait: An anorexic ferret, fetal alcohol syndrome, hydrochloric acid, and then someone stabbed half his face off with a car key.

Ok, I guess that's all I've got for the descriptions. I spent most of my time trying to find that picture again. Also, I had to write this FAQ, which should come in handy for any remaining questions you might have about today's topic. Let's read it.

1. Why would you save a picture like that for a whole year?

Hel-loh...cool blog post going on here. I think the payoff is pretty obvious.

2. After more than a week without posting anything, it seems like the next post would be at least mildly humorous--why is this not the case?

It's not that simple. Some things are less simple than what meets the eye. Some things are even more simple than meets the eye. And then we have blogs, which are the total opposite. Blogs are complex. The internet is complex. In-TRA-nets can be simple, but that's not the point. Yet, I think we both know what the point IS, you backstabbing jackal.

3. Isn't disparaging another's physical appearance for the sake of humor a little shallow? Do you just have no imagination, or what?

Well, that's two questions, let's take them one at a time. Implicit in your first question is an admission that this post is kind of funny, so you've made a tactical error right from the start--question disqualified. 2nd question: Nice try. If you divided the amount of imagination I have by 50 billion, then I would still have twice as much as the average person, which has less than 1 billion. ??

4. This post really sucks, can you comment on that?

Work's been really busy lately. Truthfully, I wrote something so hilarious you could sell it for money, but I decided to delete it, because it was almost too clever.

5. Yeah, that's a lie. This thing's terrible.

That's not really a question, c'mon.

6. Sorry. It's pretty bad, though.

Ok, I get it!

7. Do you think you'll ever post anything funny again, or is this pretty much the level we should expect from now on?

This is the pinnacle of human achievment in comedy. Embrace it. Plus, I heard of one site where the guy posts pictures of his bowel movements. NOW whose blog is better? Settle down.

8. I heard you were a little insecure about the way your toes curl into freakish little hooks at the end. Also, I understand that a girl you were dating jokingly referred to your peds as "claw feet". Is that accurate?

I think we're getting a little off-topic here, but yes, what you say is true. I'm going to start wearing Dr. Scholl's inserts, so I'm addressing the problem. It's not a problem, it's taken care of. It's being addressed.

9. Good. Because your feet look like human talons. It's disgusting.

Yes.