Seem Like You Could Just Use Your Own

So this guy steals a bag of poop from a woman. I'm not sure what to think about that. That's kind of like stealing phlegm, or toenails. Supposedly, he didn't know it was poop, but I have my doubts, so I wrote the thief a little note.

Confidential to Poop Thief in San Diego: I bet you thought that would be funny, to steal poop. Maybe you were planning to build miniature poop castles or poop forts or something? I don't think that's funny, and I think you can find something else to build forts out of. You could at least wait a few hours for your own stuff. Anyway, this is gross, so I'm going to stop typing now. Please don't steal any more poop, this country is already extremely weird, if you haven't noticed. Also, please seek help, you're disgusting. Thanks for your attention to this matter.

I don't know if my letter will have any effect, but the only way to deal with the poop thieves is one at a time. One at a time...