It's True That I'm Better Than Most People But I'm Willing To Explain Why

For many years, I labored under the misconception that I was a unique and special person in this world. You can imagine my surprise when later on I discovered I actually WAS extraordinary, and it wasn't a misconception after all. No, I never take for granted that I'm one of the gifted ones. As I often said when I lived in the old lands, take nothing in this life for granted. And that goes for you plebian types out there as well. Because even though you are almost offensively inferior, you probably have something to be thankful for, though I have no earthly idea what that might be.

Now let's get back to the task at hand, which has to do with me being both unique and special. Early on in my life, these character traits resulted in me caring a lot that people spelled my name with a 'k', as in E-r-i-k. But since the entire population of earth have shown themselves to be spectacularly incapable of spelling this name with anything but a 'c', I thought it best to pick a different battle and move on. And I did, successfully. For instance, I no longer add, "and that's with a *K* ", after I introduce myself to someone. I've noticed I now have more friends, but I think that's probably coincidence. You might be saying to yourself right now, well Erik is a boring name no matter how it's spelled, why does he care so much about his sucky name, seeing as how it sucks so bad? My response to that is, your name is probably the dumbest thing of all time, and I probably couldn't even think of a more stupid name if I tried my hardest. But we will settle that score later on, make no mistake.

The thing I can't figure out, is how people I've worked with for 6 years can get my name wrong on such a consistent basis. When they send me an email, they have to spell it correctly at least once. Yet, it's as if they use up all their neurons for the "To:" field, and anything beyond that is asking too much. Perhaps k is a sacred letter, to be used only on special occasions. Maybe Armageddon? Whatever the case, business communication involving my name rarely seems to qualify as a special occasion. Example email from co-worker:

To: Erik
Subject: Hi Eric

Eric, Can you tell me how to work this unix computer? Just give me the main commands. It's a big computer and I'm too dumb to use it, not to mention it doesn't have a green start menu that I like to use on my Windows Millenium Edition at home. Okay Eric? Thank you Eric. Eric Eric Eric. I love Eric.

P.S. After I typed your name in the 'To:' field, my brain turned into a piece of PlayDoh. As a result, I can only execute low-level motor functions such as defecating and watching reality TV. Singing the alphabet song, for example, is strictly out of the question. Therefore, the letter K is like a distant memory. Thought you should now? no? know. Oh look, there it is.

Alright, they never say the part about loving me, but I know they're thinking it. And the rest of that example is practically word for word. Okay? Because truth be told, the K thing with my name is really all I've got going for me, and I don't understand why you want to take it away. You are petty, and spiteful.