Life And Romance: Both Solved In One Post?

What with all the turmoil and strife in other parts of the world, not to mention a fair share of problemos here in the homeland, I think it's time to just relax and ignore most of it. American Idol starts this week, and I don't know about you, but I can't afford to fall behind on that. I could give you some song and dance about how great it is to serve others, but I think I'll opt for the truth, instead--and the truth is I provide a pretty valuable public service just by scribbling crap down and posting it on this website.

Some people are involved in cancer research, or dedicate all their time to disabled children, so whoopee for them. I'm sure it gives them 'fulfillment', or something similarly boring. But when all is said and done, it's about scoring with the ladies, and I think you know that. I'm more than pulling my weight in that department, in case it wasn't obvious, but some of you fellas could probably use a little assistance. I will now decode some of the more common phrases you may encounter in your quest for romance, which should significantly increase your chances of landing fine tail.

If you hear a woman described as a 'party' girl, that can mean a variety of things, all of them good. Like, I-didn't-know-that-was-possible good. If a girl is 'fun-loving', that can mean a lot of things too, all of them boring. I'd say cut your losses early and switch targets if a woman describes herself like that. If a woman 'gets angry', that means she is on her period. But keep that last one under your hat, the truth is hard for some broads to take. Alright, those tips alone should keep you knee-deep in estrogen for the next six months, for better or worse. But it doesn't cost me anything to help you out, so I'll share yet another piece of relationship wisdom.

If during the course of conversation, a girl confesses to being 'mentally unstable', you'll probably want to stick around. Out of context, yes, that's a terrifying phrase. Yet some of the hottest, most insecure women are mentally unstable. Does that all of a sudden make them less attractive? Of course it doesn't. Lower self-esteem means less work for you, and the hotness level? That's right junior, it's the same. Now what sane person walks away from that?? Not you, if you ever want me to give you advice again.

Ok, as usual, my work is done. If you have any questions, re-read the third paragraph about never blaming a woman's menstrual cycle. I could not be more serious about that.