I love Paris Hilton Stp Typing tht go Away
Before we get too far along here, will someone please kill me? Who clicks on a link that says "Paris Hilton late for club opening ceremony", anyway? I mean, honestly. That headline reads like the title of an SNL sketch. Except it was a real link, and I really clicked it. This might not seem like a big deal to you--but as you can see, I'm not doing so well with my only actual New Year's resolution, '1. Don't be so stupid'.
In the interest of getting to the bottom of my Paris-oriented indiscretions, I had a private talk with myself. Over the years, I've found these internal dialogues to be woefully ineffective. But the alone time is nice, and it's cool to compliment myself on insightful points I make. Here is an approximation of the conversation. Due to time constraints, I edited out the parts where I break down like a small school girl and weep inconsolably.
Erik: 800 billion people just died in a natural disaster on par with any in modern history. Bloated, decomposing bodies as far as the eye can see. It seems strange to choose to read about Paris Hilton. Do you know why you might do that?
Alter-Erik: Um...she's pretty and knows how to party?
Erik: Well, you make a strong case, moron, but first of all, she's not. Her face is mildly intriguing, but it mostly just looks like she was hit really hard with something flat. Speaking of which, have you seen that from the backside? Hardly impressive. As for the partying, she's like a sorority girl who can also afford cocaine--does that somehow make you swoon?
Alter-Erik: But she could buy A LOT of cocaine. Just admit that much...
Erik: This is hopeless. You're obviously severely mentally impaired, and I'm finding it very difficult to talk to you right now.
Alter-Erik: Why is it that every time we have a disagreement, you shut down emotionally?
Erik: I wish I'd never met you.
Alter-Erik: I wish I'd never met you AND I hate you.
Erik: Good!
Alter-Erik: Yeah, GOOD!
So as you can see, it can be beneficial (though rarely, and never in my case) to reflect on the choices we make. If you're mildly schizophrenic like me, it may even be fun.
Alter-Erik: Also, you suck.
Erik: I will kill you.
posted by Erik @ 5:21 PM
8 Comments:
That's hot!
I loved this post! I so relate! I am at least 10 people wrapped up in one. The main controler never wants to have any fun. Church for instance, think how much fun it would be if just once she would let me trip old ladies on their way up for communion, spit in the holy water, start the wave in the pews, tell Father some off the wall confession that didn't really happen like having had girl nekkid time with Paris Hilton! No fun at all!
Tell your inner voice to shaddup! I like you better dumb like me! :P
Lois Lane
I dig the blog. Keep posting!
'The main controller', nice. I will do my best not to engage in any behaviors that could be mistaken for meaningful. That way we can still be friends. ;)
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You shouldn't judge people unless you've walked a mile in their size 2 mini-skirt with TV cameras following you everwhere and being, like, utterly wasted.
You don't know what it's like to be fabulously wealthy, thin, and possibly-beautiful-but-mostly-odd-looking while having no skills, education, accomplishments, perspective, or reason for living. It might tend to make YOU a just a little bit elitist, too, Mr. I-have-a-big-tonker-oh-no-I-don't-after-all-shut-up-both-of-you-I'm-trying-to-play-Xbox-here...
Sure, I can see that. But easy with the xbox comments, speedboat! Chicks dig the fine motor skills, the research is clear on that.
This sounded alot like an exchange between Gollum and Smeagle (sp?) in TLOTR.
Anyway, I was at a hotel this morning and reading the USA Today when I found myself actually reading the story about the breakup of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. Before getting half way through the article I too roundly chastised myself and stopped...
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