Lists! Yes!

Today as I was having general thoughts about my greatness, I paused, as all great thinkers do. Not the kind of pause they do in the movies, because those are always about 12 seconds too long. When they finally start up again, I feel like they should at least explain particle theory, because I don't know what that is and that information could be useful --but usually it's along the lines of, "I don't really know, Margaret. I do know it's time for me to start living again." Yeah, like I care. Anyway, while I was pausing for the appropriate time-span, I engaged in additional thinking, but my brow had furrowed and I was taking it to another level. I'm talking about a white-hot flurry of synaptic firing here, do you understand?

And now, the fruits of my labor: Lists that let you know what to like and what not to. List form is simple even if you're a small child with no head, so I knew you guys could understand it. Just kidding everybody, that's just a little playful humor right there. I will begin with a series of items which have met my approval. Then I will enumerate additional items which currently suck, or have exhibited inordinately high levels of suckation in the past.

You may be saying to yourself, "Oh, this is just his personal list, or how it is from his perspective", or something equally stupid. You also might think you've seen lists like these before. But I'm just about done with the naysaying, ok? Now pay attention, these are hilarious.

Good Things

1. List-making/broad generalizations
2. Willingness to share lists with others
3. That real fast butt-shaking move that the girls do in rap videos
4. Paris Hilton being voted in among the 'Most Fascinating' people of 2004
5. Just messing around! Wanted to make sure you weren't skimming.
6. Axl Rose taking everyone down to the paradise city. That seems like a good time.
7. Relative affordability of Russian mail-order brides
8. Naked chicks! What, you know that had to be on here somewhere!
9. Jet engine-loud cell phone ring tones. That's awesome.

Things Or Concepts Not Passing Muster

1. Personal wellness seminars for pets
2. Jude Law edging me out for Sexiest Man Alive. Are you people serious??
3. Non-razor-sharp Chinese throwing stars. Get with the program, ninjas!
4. Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz. He's so dreamy, I don't get it!
5. Not letting someone know that you're no longer dating them
6. Then giving them that 800 phone number with the automated break-up message on it. You know what I'm talking about Tawni, not cool.
7. Serial Killers
8. No, not this blog. C'mon, that's mean.