I Have A Grand Vision For This Mole Hill

Sometimes I'm boggled at how easy it is to stir up the masses. For those of you who recently emerged from a time capsule, we're currently fighting a war in Iran. Wait, Iraq. Iraq Iraq Iraq. Then Iran, then South Korea. Then maybe Puerto Rico, if George is feeling surly that day. Bring the pain, Puerto Rico, bring the pain. Despite this, we somehow managed to make a steamy television commercial for "Desperate Housewives" a topic of national concern. In case you missed it, ABC aired a sexually-themed tv commercial for said show during Monday Night Football. Now you could argue that I'm only contributing to the hysteria by bringing it up, but Hysteria is a Def Leppard album which was released in 1987, and it, unlike your would-be point, rocks.

A large percentage of citizens on various forums chimed in about how the spot was everything from 'unacceptable' (some guy in a suit), 'out-and-out disgrace' (another guy in a suit), to 'smokin' hot' (me). But how hypocritical can we get? There's more inappropriate content from the cheerleaders at halftime of an NBA game than 10 Desperate Housewives promos put together. As a Sacramento Kings season ticket holder, I'm constantly wishing for more indecency, but what can you do? You just saddle up and ride on, soldier. Plus, all the Kings 'Royal Court Dancers' have their own profiles at nba.com. So if you were into that sort of thing, you could investigate on your own and find out that Tawni likes horsebacking riding. Not that I even care about her. Even though she apparently doesn't know how to return a phone call, or even multiple phone calls right in a row, over and over again. But whatever.

In closing, many assumed a 'what's the big deal?' stance toward the skit. This makes them brilliant, since they agree with me. Remember that correlation, and you should do well in this life. Stray from it, and I will strike you down faster than lightning.


p.s. While "Hysteria" was certainly good in its time, everything has a time. And that time is NOW. Pourr-rrrr sum sugah on MAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!! (me)