How to get money so you can be happy, too

When a guy says he's "not a gambling man", what does that really mean? Does it mean that he will only gamble at indian casinos because he supports the indians, or if the casino doesn't make me leave, or if it's poker night at my friend Greg's house? If so, then I'm not a gambling man. But seriously, if my family needed the money for food, I wouldn't bet every last cent unless I was feeling really lucky. And I'm talking double-horseshoe power-luck vibes here. Even so, it's probably best I don't have a family yet, because why test the power of the double-horseshoe. Now, let's talk about how great I was when I won $175 playing blackjack in Vegas last weekend.

The first reason I was able to do this is because I'm awesome, and the second is that my friend told me what to do every time. Except when I would win. Then I would calmly take over, and look around the casino like getting blackjack was the most boring thing that could ever happen to someone. That was more awesome than winning the hand! I think the ladies (or should I say "lady"--one in particular was quite persistent) liked my style, too. Jeff said that the persistency was due primarily to her being a waitress, and that it was "her job" to get me a drink. Ooh, jealousy can be ugly, can it not? You should talk to someone about that, Jeff. Not too attractive, my friend.

Anyway, as you can see, it's fairly obvious I know what I'm doing with my money. Don’t push ladies, there's plenty of daddy to go around. Now run along and get me a bottled water. I'm so wealthy it's disgusting!!