Am I paralyzed yet?

Before we get started here, a quick FYI: If you're reading this entry in hopes of coming away with new world knowledge, or even enlightening social/political commentary, I can almost guarantee disappointment. On the other hand, if you were hoping for an update on my physical well-being, things are looking up for you.

Since you're still here, I'm going to assume you didn't think me capable of bestowing such knowledge in the first place. I'm not offended. But let's get back on track. In recent times, I have become decidedly non-impervious to bodily injury. That is to say, I'm like a combination between a human chandelier and a ming vase. Let's start simply, so you get the idea: Not only am I susceptible to grave and permanent injury by means of seemingly innocuous occurences such as getting out of my hot tub or retreiving the morning paper (both comical-yet-actual-sources-of-injury), I am in danger of personal physical trauma just by thinking about it. Like, if I use a thought pattern my brain does not approve of, it will band together with my nervous system and administer the "spontaneous compound fracture to all ankle bones" command, or something. I've not been able to scientifically confirm this last phenomenon, I'm just saying the discovery of its existence would not surprise me.

I guess the main point is that I had the flu recently, was vomiting violently as part of this process, and managed to pinch a nerve in my neck. Yes, you read that right. Anyway, I'm not sure whether to quell the surges of pain with street drugs, just do the stretching exercises my physical therapist recommended as well as the street drugs, or what.