This Just In

I saw the following headline in the paper yesterday:

NBA Player Cited For Marijuana

This to me is somewhere along the lines of, "Exotic Dancer Swirls Hips In Sensual Manner".

Not judging, I'm just saying--some guys in the NBA make Cheech and Chong look like DEA agents. Damon Stoudamire of the Blazers (the irony is thick) has been caught so many times, I think the referees have started frisking him before he subs in. Anyway, in the spirit of the original newsflash, I've compiled a short list of other things that are also not headlines.


Al-Quaeda Popularity in America Wanes, Post 9/11

Brad Pitt Not Ugly

Michael Jackson Kind Of Weird

Kevin Bacon Makes Film

Pro Athlete's Salary More Than Bolivia GNP

New Reality Show Not Very Good

College Fraternity Orders Keg

Marilyn Manson Total Freak

Book Slightly Better Than The Movie

New Study: 860 Fat Grams Per Day Unhealthy

Despite Being 'Kick-Ass', US Still Hated By Most Of World

Orgasms 'Enjoyable' Says Entire Population of Earth

Blog Less Funny Than Author Thinks

Hah, I just threw that last one in there as a pre-emptive strike,
in case you wanted to get clever. I am too fast for that, we're
playing major league ball here, kids!!