Total Fitness

I was at the gym recently and was able to catch a little of "Kevin Hill" on UPN. Sometimes when I'm having motivational problems, I'll look to hollywood stars for inspiration on how to get my body looking just so. It's a process, people.

From what I could gather, Kevin Hill is a young, exceedingly heterosexual, rich and handsome lawyer living in New York. What can I say, I've always been drawn to stories about the underdog.

Anyway, there's a scene where our embattled hero is apologizing to a woman for not returning calls, and/or for being really good-looking. This is a woman who could pass for Rebecca Romijn's younger but more beautiful twin--who is also a pediatrician, and probably the head of hunger-relief effort in Africa. So, to recap: Could be a model, is a pediatrician, and is possible founder of The United Way.

He's apologizing, explaining that they had fun, but it was getting too serious so he had to stop seeing her. Obviously! Seemed like a questionable decision, but I was on board--far be it from me to question Kevin's life choices. But then they obliterate all possible boundaries of believability and cue the plaintive, soul-searching theme music as he walks out of the hospital and onto the lonely streets of manhattan. You know this song?

"Ooo-ooh child, things are gonna get brighter, ooo-ooh child, things
are gonna get easier..."

So things will get easier like he might get to date a heart surgeon playboy bunny next? Or maybe strangers will heave gold bullion in his direction as he walks down the street, sensing that, despite his success, he cannot yet purchase his own island. One thing we know, Kevin will fight through these difficult times, and overcome the nearly imperceptible blips of resistance he encounters with great style and cool suits. It was almost as if the director had gotten a glimpse into my world, and was trying to reproduce it on-screen. Almost.

One positive I left the gym with: Sensing that Kevin's success was somehow connected to his well-defined abdominal muscles, and feeling ashamed and worthless about my own, I put in 300 extra crunches. And they say TV isn't healthy, I don't get that.