Let's Get To Know One Another

After a short debate with myself, I decided in favor of sharing some of my more intimate thoughts here. If you were hoping they'd be of a sexual nature, I hate to disappoint. They are of a bi-sexual nature! Ha, just fooling around, Mom and Dad. That was a one-time thing, let's not blow it out of proportion.

I know that some fear keeping a diary or journal because they're afraid they won't have anything interesting to say, or that the voices will make them write bad things about close friends and then the paper will turn into a little upside 5 point star and fly around the room and write cryptic warnings in blood on the bedroom wall. That second part never happens to me, but I thought you might be scared of that. Don't be! Most of the time the star goes away and you can have a good laugh.

For me personally, putting my hopes and dreams on paper turned out to be an effective method of determining that I have almost no ambition. When you discover you have no worthwhile aspirations, that is true freedom. Say you attempted to clean your garage but instead read 104 old Sports Illustrateds cover to cover. (Excluding the swimsuit issues, because they are cheap and tawdry. Sometimes I have to look through them several times just to make sure they're still tawdry). Or, you may be the type of person to feel ashamed of playing xbox for 19 straight hours, periodically peeing into an empty Big Gulp Cup in order to maximize screen time. Before I started a written log of my daily failings, I thought that was wrong, too. But when I had the luxury of going back through my journals, I discovered that these marathon nerd sessions were the most significant accomplishments of my week. As you might imagine, this was a somewhat bitter-sweet conclusion. One the one hand, yes I would never amount to anything, but on the other, guilt-free gaming.

I guess what I'm saying is, don't believe the lie that everyone has a treasure trove of hidden, untapped abilities. You don't, and it's best you know now. There, I think we've really bonded.