Now I Will Teach You About Other Things

As many of you have probably figured out by now, I'm an idea man. A stream of ideas, basically flowing out like a sweet Carolina river into the open sea. The river is my brilliance and the open sea is your collective apathy for brilliant things--things which would likely improve your otherwise bleak and empty lives. You actually remind me of slow-forming barnacles, but more useless.

Ok, that wasn't very fun for you, was it? You were forced to look in the mirror for a moment, and it was very ugly. But now the healing begins. Because the objective here was to emphasize the danger of negative reinforcement. For example, many of you have probably stopped reading by now, and to be honest, I can't argue with that. No, my beef is with the California vehicle code. If you think about it, the system fosters an atmosphere of hate and low self-esteem in California residents everywhere.

Take me for instance. I'm extremely wary of getting any more speeding tickets, which makes me feel badly about myself. But maybe it would be different if I knew that cops only pulled people over to ask about their day and give out hugs. Or maybe they could hand out coupons for auto parts stores, or dispense high-speed driving tips.

"Wow, lookin' good out there today, Mr. Ryan. If you could try to keep it under 105 through that school zone up ahead, that'd be great, but if not that's cool, too. By law I must now give you this $500 credit for Auto Zone. You are an exceptional person."

I know what you're thinking--children wouldn't be able to go outside anymore. First of all, have you ever heard of Playstation? Park your urchins in front of that thing for about 8 hours a day 7 days a week, and tell me how much motivation they have for even making it to the bathroom in time, much less the front door. Second, would you
teach your kids to play on a racetrack? Next question. Last but not least, for the remedial math students out there: Drivers would be on the road for less overall time. As we know, rate of velocity (also known as calibration ratio) multiplied by speed ("Speedtime" + Distance), gives you the inertia of the engine calipers...no. Something...Ok, honestly I don't remember all of it. The point is, cars are getting from one place to another so fast, they cause no accidents, because they are driving EXTREMELY FAST. I hope all that stuff becomes a law really soon.

Sorry, I hope you weren't doing anything important. Because that would suck to read all of this, and then not even have a link to where you could sign up for my cause!