My lawyer friend was talking about the unreliability of eyewitness testimony. Apparently our brains often make up and fill in missing pieces for stuff we see, and it's involuntarily inserted into our memory of an event. Obviously, I got to thinking about how I could benefit from this. See this sample conversation as an example:


My girlfriend: What were you doing kissing your sister for so long like that? That was really weird and gross.

Me: Eyewitness testimony is almost completely unreliable, I can't believe you were so dumb as to not know that. In fact, I don't even know what you're saying right now. You've left me with no choice but to deem that last question inadmissible. Not only that, but you are so clearly out of order right now, it's absurd. Never have I heard such insolence in my courtroom. Bailiff, restrain this woman.

My gf: Can you see what I'm doing right now then? I'm keying your car. Or is that not what I'm doing?

Me: Actually yeah, that does look a lot like you're keying my car...


Wow, ok...that example didn't work out exactly as I had envisioned it. Quick side note: I guess my little peanut would probably prefer that I refer to her as, "ex", the crazy thing--with her silly restraining orders and whatnot. She exasperates me sometimes. Anyway, if your significant other was a little more rational (are you listening Christie, I will hunt you down, I swear to you), you might have something to work with. Plus, "kissing one's sister" is such an ugly phrase. I think "nuzzling" is far more accurate, not to mention more appropriate for the children.