I Like To Decorate, But Only Heterosexually

After living in my house for 10 months, I decided it was time to start working a little of my magic on the interior decorating side of things. To the best of my knowledge I'm not gay, but you would never know it from the way I can transform any room into a fabulous and vibrant expression of my feelings. Sometimes these same feelings make me want to draw my neighbor Steve into my arms for a long, non-sexual embrace. We're football buds, no big deal. We watch football and talk about girls almost everyday, for so long I don't even know how long we talk about those girls. Sometimes Steve will watch football without his shirt on, but I don't even notice his abdominal muscles. It's like he doesn't even have abdominal muscles. But HE DOES.

Anyway, I've been putting stuff on the living room walls, it's coming together. The main problem is that if I don't start involving some actual color soon, I'm going to die of depression before I ever finish. It's like the opposite of light therapy in there. Sometimes when I get home, I just start the process of bumping into the walls until I get to my bedroom. It's dreary, I'm telling you.

On the other hand, there could be benefits to the grim reaper look. For starters, I could impress the gothic-type girls. First they might think I was too preppy, and not exciting enough. But then they would see the error of their ways, that my living room was actually a giant black hole, and this would intrigue them. "What kind of man has a living room that is also a black hole? I can't even see my own hand in front of my face, that is so hot. I must learn more about him in case he is Batman, or a similarly exotic vigilante".

Alright, I'll let you guys know how that works out. And if you think I care what Steven says, you are so wrong, honey. Seriously, stop joking around, it's not like that. Because I'm all about the laydays, you know? Bring on the laydays! Also football and baseball, all those silly sport-thingies, that's what I'm into--not tanned, glistening pectoral muscles.