Hola Gringos-As you may've heard, Michael Noer of Forbes magazine recently called into question the wisdom of being married to a career woman. Not to be outdone, one of my friends recently called into question the wisdom of anyone being married to me. He probably thought we would joke around about that for a minute and then move on, but long story short, I performed a martial arts move on his spinal cord, killing him instantly. Over his corpse did I lay a solitary letter--a listing of my positive qualities, the ones the ladies can't seem to get enough of. That letter is shown below.

---Beginning of Letter---

Dear Dead Person Who Used To Be My Friend, this is a list of my positive qualities. These qualities are the main reason why some women, who don't care that much about being happy, want to be with me.

a) I will often talk about the weather in an alluring way. Example: "It is HOT today. I think you know what I'm saying. Or do you???"

b) I never fail to lay the mack down on a consistent basis. See weather example

c) Comprehensive, attraction-building knowledge of Jerry Rice's career statistics

d) Ovulation-inducing comic book collection

Here are my weaknesses:

None

Love, Erik

---End of Letter---

Next topic then?

Something that's not below average? Ok, that's fair. We'll do one of those next time.

p.s. Things are beginning to happen in the wild, mad-cap life of Erik T, but I can't say all of it right now because of legal entanglements. Suffice it to say, maybe you should start saving for a new metaphorical roof, cause I'm about to blow the current one straight off. Case closed.