Bush Vows To Stay The Course, Stay On Vacation

Bush Defends Decision To Sort Of "Put War on Back Burner"

(AP) Donnelly, Idaho -- Yesterday, amid sagging public approval of this administration's stance on the Iraq war, President Bush held an impromptu media session from the bow of Gov. Dirk Kempthorne's fishing boat. Advisors apparently did not allow the President to re-enact Leonardo's "king of the world" scene from Titanic.

Some critics have suggested that Bush is trying to end the war in Iraq by pretending it doesn't exist, while others assert he's forgotten about the war altogether. The focus was on Bush's decision to continue his vacation in Donnelly, the small resort town where he spent a large percentage of his time thinking up new ways to execute anti-war demonstrators for treason.

"I think pulling out of the Idaho Rockies, where I'm currently catching fish the size of Rhode Island, would be a colossal mistake. These babies are biting like there's no tomorrow, and if I were to quit now, I think I might always regret it."

One reporter asked Bush for his thoughts on the rapidly decreasing support for the war, or if he knew that the war was still on.

"Yes, I realize some combat operations are happening here and there. You guys constantly remind me of that, so it's not like I all of a sudden forgot. It's this simple: Even if I wanted to skip this afternoon's mountain-biking adventure, which I don't, it would be an act of gross negligence to do so. Not only would it be bad for the safety of our citizens in the long-term, it would also be bad, and subtract from, the amount of fun I'm able to have in the short term. And I bet you didn't think I knew the word 'negligence', either. Well I do, and that's not going to change no matter how much you seem to hate America."

Bush then addressed the general fish populace as "squirrelly little devils" who hate the Iraqi people, freedom, and babies.

In the afternoon, Bush again spoke with reporters, this time from Tamarack lodge, where a biking tour was being organized. Without prompting, Bush extolled the virtues of the recreational equipment on hand.

"These mountain bikes are top-notch, I mean really unbelievable. Especially the Peugots, I wouldn't be surprised if they were built by American soldiers. May they rest in peace."

A short time later, the President could be heard arguing with a resort employee concerning the country in which the Peugots were manufactured.

"...no, my young friend--these bikes have American craftsmanship written all over them. Even the name sounds American if you pronounce it with a hard G. A navy seal probably built this one with a hunting knife, may he rest in peace."

Not everyone has been so quick to condemn Bush's choice to explore every single mountain biking trail in the state of Idaho. Francis Williams, political science professor at the University of California at Berkeley, notes that most of Bush's staff probably didn't even notice he was gone in the first place.

"Sure, if they realized he hadn't been in any morning briefings for the last 4 weeks straight, there might be a controversy here. But as it stands, I'm betting it hasn't even dawned on them yet. Let's not make this into something it isn't."

At one point, the President was asked about his seemingly laissez faire attitude toward both the Iraq occupation, and everyone in the entire universe who wasn't him.

"Look, I'm trying to lend a certain prioritization schedule to things. Right now, the war isn't something I'm particularly interested in. Who knows, in a couple hours, I might care again. But let's deal with that when, and if, it happens. In all likelihood, I'll still be biking a couple hours from now, and won't want to fuss with it.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I would like to honor some deceased troops by popping a wheelie. Watch out, son."