Let's Go Extreme!

Let's get right to it, so there can be no mistake about the topics at hand. Firstly, America is a country of extremes, please don't argue with me about that. We even have a deodorant called "Extreme", if I recall correctly. It's fine to make deodorant with that name, but the problem is, we don't know how to do anything in moderation. If an enormous meteor called moderation crashed into the earth at 97,000 mph, we would just go buy a 42-liter Pepsi or something.

One of the most obvious examples of our inability to do anything halfway can be found in our politics. It used to be that lying with impunity and creating policy based on special interests was awesome. Suddenly, it's not as cool. And that's not a bad thing. But in classic American fashion, we went overboard. Now, if you're a typical "Washington politician", or if you have a vague idea of where Washington might be located, or if you can find Washington without a homing pigeon and a map of Washington tattooed on your forehead, you risk banishment and scorn.

Even Obama should watch his back, now that we have new standards in place. In the New Order, I'm not sure you're even allowed to know the three branches of government.

Panel of American citizens: Senator Obama, can you name the three branches of government?

Obama: Easy. Legistlative, Judicial, Executive.

Panel of American citizens: Ooh, look at the smart guy. You're from Washington aren't you? --and we thought you were different. Let us guess, you probably know how to pass laws and understand how the electoral college works? The panel dismisses you.

But it's not just us, the campaign spokepeople must also share the blame. Example quote from Obama's camp regarding Palin's claim to be a political outsider: "...for someone who makes the point that she's not from Washington, she looked very much like she would fit in very well there."

Ok, but can we have someone that knows Washington? Even a teensy bit of knowledge would work for me. Don't get me wrong, I understand the value of promoting a new political dynamic, and I'm up for change as much as the next guy. So if the new President really wants to be a "political outsider", he can set up a tent out on the lawn at first, if that makes him feel better. Ultimately, though, we may need him or her to be *inside* the actual White House. There are phones and other telecommunciation devices inside the White House that may facilitate conversations with leaders from other countries, for example. But based on the campaign strategies used to date, I'm becoming less and less sure that the candidates will have any idea what to do should they actually make it inside city limits.

McCain scenario

Assuming he doesn't get lost on the way, I could see things going south in a hurry: "Where's the Maverick room? Is there place here where the Mavericks hang out? This place is extremely confusing. C'mon you guys, are you serious? We need less government, not more. I'm going to cut the Whitehouse in half, and let the poor people (5 million annual earnings or less) live in the other half.

Obama scenario:

Obama, to aides: People, I wasn't lying when I said I wasn't another Washington guy. I have no idea what's happening here. Does anyone have a CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN sign? I'd feel more comfortable if there was a room I could go to where people had the CHANGE signs.

Erik scenario:

If I was running, the basis for my platform would be how utterly lost I am politically.

"Look, I'm barely a US citizen. I was born in Canada and my parents moved here when I was very young. I have no idea what the Oval Office even looks like. Anytime I saw the Oval Office on TV, like in that show The West Wing, I would turn away. Consequently, most of those storylines seemed very choppy, but so be it. It was worth it, to not know anything about how to accomplish any of the tasks you're electing me for.

American panel of citizens: Thank you for being ignorant, that's so refreshing. We haven't experienced leadership like this in a long time. Just kidding, we have.