I haven't followed the 2008 presidential campaign as closely as say, the girl I followed around Balboa Park yesterday, but I'm definitely still interested. Not in the girl, because I got too close one time and she was verbally abusive in a way that I can't forgive. So that's over. But as far as the election process is concerned, I can only assume it's still happening. If it's not happening anymore, please email me.

In any event, the campaign has definitely succeeded in stimulating my thought centers. And when my thought centers go into overdrive, watch out. My first thought was simple, and revolved around the degree of hardness with which it would rock if Obama were elected.

The first and most obvious reason it would rock is that we would have a black man as president, which most of you have never seen before because of your sheltered lives. It gets even better than that, though. If Obama was elected I would then be able to accuse anyone of racism who says anything remotely negative about him. If they even say Obama's name without first saying "I would give my life for..." then it's open season on these people. I see conversations like the one below happening frequently, maybe every other minute or so, because of how many racists there are.

Ignorant Person: I don't agree with Obama's decision...

Me: ...that you shouldn't give your life for him? I know, he's a very selfless man. But you should do it. You should die so that he might live.

Ignorant Person: No, I was saying that I don't agree with Obama's idea that 10-year-olds should be allowed to enlist in the military.

Me: Well then you must be racist and I wouldn't be surprised if you committed a hate crime last night.

Ignorant Person: I'm not racist, it really angers me that you would say that.

Me: Oooh so you're angry? Why don't you just commit another hate crime?

Ignorant Person: Good idea. But when I kill you 10 seconds from now, it will technically just be homicide since we're both white.

However, death would not phase me. Death is the least of my problems. In fact, risking death is just one more way I will support Obama's presidency. That, and putting others on the defensive by making them prove they are not racist. By the time they're done listing all the black friends they've had, they will have forgotten what their original point was. Crafty but failsafe.

The other main advantage of Obama as president is that he's half white and half black. As history tells us, this chameleon-like status will enable him to infiltrate virtually all existing social circles. Think about the mixed-race citizens of the 50's and 60's--they were treated with an amazing amount of equality wherever they went. Sometimes this equality was in the form of being denied housing and any job except for school janitor, but you get the basic gist of what I'm saying.

The final advantage of an African-American president is the ability for me to accumulate new and exotic friends. Example: If I were to meet a comely African princess at the bus stop, or if she caught me following her around, I could say "I voted for Obama!" at the critical moment before she called 9-1-1. And that would be the end of it. Well, not really the end of it, because then the woman and I would go to coffee and have mixed-race babies.

There are likely additional advantages related to Obama's election, such as social progress and other boring stuff. But that's down the road some. For now, let's concentrate on being able to accuse others of racism. Because that's the only way we're going to find harmony. Think about it. Preferably while stoned, if you want it to make sense. Thank you.