The main problem is this: I’ve dreamt about meeting Jerry Rice no less than 7 times, and it happened again quite recently. Sometimes in these dreams we talk about football, sometimes we talk about family life. There is never any kissing. Being the analytical sort, I ask myself, "What does it mean that I'm so concerned about meeting someone who doesn't know or care about me?

Indeed, these are the types of questions which may seem interesting, but that we ultimately do not have time for, as the most important thing is to meet Jerry Rice. Something of a Catch-22, I think you’ll agree. I think you’ll also agree that creating a geometry proof to resolve this issue is the only reasonable course of action available.

Assumptions:

1. I created a Jerry Rice scrap book when I was 15.
   
   
2. Jerry Rice does not care about my scrap book.
   
   
3. The scrap book was a rectangle shape.
   
   
4. Jerry Rice is also a rectangle, in that he is void of all human compassion.
   

As you can see, I still have the touch.

Perhaps some of you have already met Jerry Rice. Good for you. Perhaps some of you don’t care to. Again, congratulations--maybe you would like a medal of honor. Perhaps some of you don’t know who Jerry Rice is. In this case, you will likely pay for your ignorance with an extended bath in the lake of fire.

If you were my eldest brother, you would meet Jerry Rice at the Seattle airport, as if meeting Jerry Rice at the airport is something that people do in their free time. To give you an idea, this is the sort of brother who follows hockey—-to my knowledge, he’s not even technically an American citizen. And after my timely call to US Immigration Services, he’s not even technically in the United States. It's not that I'm still bitter about him meeting Jerry, it's that I was bitter then.

Before anyone accuses me of not taking the proper steps to make my dreams reality, I submit the following evidence, which would easily hold up in a trial setting, it’s that good. I once drove 2 hours to a football-celebrity golf tournament only to have my hero skip out on the meet and greet portion. Why he would have no interest in meeting hundreds of other sycophants like myself is confusing, but then many of the things he does to hurt me are confusing. I have been to training camp, I have been to 49ers games. In two hours from now, I will have been to the hardware store for the purposes of purchasing “materials” which can be helpful when “kidnapping” someone, for lack of a better term.

I don’t want to give the impression that I’m some weirdo. The abduction scenario is still in the development phase, and may or may not happen. Is the man who plots to poison his wife and take her money considered a weirdo? Most would say no, because all of the thoughts are still inside his brain. They have not resulted in anyone being poisoned, such as the picture below, which shows one possible scenario:

Whatever happens, show this post to the District Attorney so he will know that my mind is normal, and I mean no harm. Plus, remember that some people poison themselves. It’s very common. Thank you.