Last weekend, my family and I enjoyed an extravagant 3-hour vacation in Tijuana. And why not, I have the money ($7.00) to do that sort of thing. For the unfamiliar, Tijuana is a secret exotic city with beautiful flowing waterfalls and similar. Hiding meekly in the back alleys are street vendors who have never seen Americans before. These individuals can be coerced into selling their valuable mexican jumping beans if you know what you're doing.
However, not all haggling scenarios on this adventure went as planned. One such scenario was a team-haggle effort with my eldest nephew. Let's call him Trevor, since that's his name. His goal was to buy some really crappy tiny carved forest animals, on purpose. Even so, he didn't want to spend a bundle, because he's not on my financial level. Understandably then, we couldn't be asked to pay whatever the original price was, even if that price was a cup full of crusty pigeon splatter. It's the principle of the thing. Without a moment's delay, I engaged the unnamed seller of trinkets with my time-tested negotiation techniques.
Me: How much? A dollar? That's ridiculous, how could I ever spend a dollar for something like that when I can spend a dollar for a bus ride to downtown San Diego. Ridiculous. At least with the bus ride, I'm somewhere else. If I buy this animal, I'm pretty sure I'm still going to be standing here. No, my price is 5 for 2 dollars.
Vendor: 1 dollar each.
Me: Frustrating! Honestly, these things are so crappy i'm shocked the mexican police don't confiscate them on a daily basis!
Ok, I didn't say that. Being the shrewd entrepreneurs that we are, my nephew and I just went next door and purchased the poorly-crafted animals for our asking price. Quite simple really, if you've taken a few business courses (Call Chico State and ask them for my transcripts if you want to play it that way).
After we left, I informed the original salesman of his great error, and our subsequent great gain. His response was "Ooh, lucky you!" That's attitude I don't need right there. I'm never going back to that particular cardboard table again, please believe me when I say that.
After the business lesson I gave my nephew, I was in the mood for some learning of my own, which is difficult due to the length and breadth of my knowledge stores. Nevertheless, my brothers speak pretty nice Spanish, yippee for them. By contrast, my Spanish sounds more as if someone threw a Spanish I text book at me and then the book flapped open for a second as it flew by, allowing me to see one or two of the Spanish words inside. Although this experience was key in my Spanish-speaking development, I still feel like I need more learning. My desire for knowledge is insatiable, as if that wasn't obvious.
Naturally then, I enjoy standing on the immediate periphery of my brothers' personal space as they converse with various mexican citizenry. In this way I attempt to interject random words that could possibly be Spanish, and may even be related to their conversation. Here, let me show you how it goes.
Rob: (in Spanish, to vendor) I don't really want to buy these mexican jumping beans, but since my younger brother is hovering over me like a huge human mosquito, i'm going to get this over with and buy some. He's 32, but he still hovers!
Erik: (in English) 32 dollars, what?? Or pesos, did you say pesos? How do I say "that's too much?" Amigo, my brother is "estupido", if you know what that means, and you should, because I saw it in a Spanish I text book. I will give you 25 dollars for 6 mexican jumping beans, final offer.
Vendor: (to Rob) Is this guy serious?
Rob: I think so.
Erik: No, I know so. Here, the deal is done and you can mark it down in your accounting logs, which I doubt you even have.
Vendor: Tonight I eat filet mignon off the bellies of prostitutes!
As we made our way home, I couldn't figure how this man's strange sexual appetite was connected to my pulling the wool over his eyes. Finally, I came to the conclusion that it was unrelated.
Ahh...Tijuana. You have my heart, and I have your mexican jumping beans.
8 Comments:
holy cow, the next time i go to TJ and wind up in jail, i'm TOTALLY calling you to negotiate my way out.
heh... did i say that out loud?
Way to show those trinket sellers who's boss!
I was just in costa rica, where I was nominated to be the primary communicator. Actually Dr. G and I voted, but it came out a tie. Then when we actually had to interact with spanish-speaking humans, Dr. G waited silently with a blank expression on his face, like a coelacanth. It turns out that is a good way to give your vote more weight. I said Donde esta? for every occasion and it worked out fine. It sounds philosophical, especially after someone asks you if you would prefer to pay for your tourist trinket by cash or credit.
so funny, erik! and i'm glad to hear that one of the brothers is as non-lingual (is this a word?) as i am -- even with my having 4 years of HS spanish.* i would do as well as you in TJ -- scary!
* have i commented before about your bro and his "flaunting" of the spanish language? IMO, it's to invite the *inevitable* impressed reactions of his listeners. ;)
Wow, sounds like your lasting influence on the cardboard tables of TJ will be felt for generations to come.
At least you got away with some jumping beans. You'll always have those.
wow. erin used a word that i had to look up.
she rules.
That sounds like a great trip.
Actually, the only conversation I really remember from the whole trip is when your hot girlfriend said "Maybe I'm dating the wrong brother." Because that was really funny. To me, I mean.
hf-you better not get put in jail because i know you work for the president or the U.S.A or something. i'm on to you.
erin-i used to stare blankly, but now i nod and raise individual
eyebrows appreciatively when someone speaks spanish to me. i might even accidentally understand something, but either way this method delays disappointment when my uselessness is discovered.
si-i know, it's sad about my brother isn't it? although it would
be tough to hold back knowing that people will *inevitably* be
impressed. think about it--this is how some people's whole life
is, one big quest to try and not impress people all the time.
for example, one of those people is me. not so easy friends.
LCS-now that I have some beans, I'll be leaving lasting impressions
wherever I go. that's a flatulence joke, it's really funny.
bryan-let's hope she was talking about Phil, because he would
never betray me, unlike other brothers i once had. do you just
love hurting me? you hate me, don't you?
hey erik: that's what i've done -- worked really hard at NOT impressing people! i'm right there with ya. :)
Post a Comment
<< Home