As 2007 is by now stale and crusty, I must focus all new efforts on 2008. The first step in my campaign will be to improve whatever surrounds me, i.e., my environment. Most often I improve things by letting other people who know how to improve them do that, i.e., improvement by non-involvement. Other times, I get right in the mix and start improving things on my own, because sometimes you have to step up and take responsibility. It's like when Britney Spears stopped loving her kids, it was simply the best thing to do at the time.
That last concept originally started out as a joke, but I think it might actually be good if she slowly phases herself out of her kids' lives. Which I guess is funny in a different, more depressing way.
The target of my latest improvement campaign is standard technical writing techniques. At the time of this writing, there is no limits hold 'em, no limits skateboarding, and no limits snowboarding. Which begs the question: Why not no limits technical writing? And now I play my trump card--There is no reason. Think of it like this. When snowboarding was first starting out a year or so ago, there were specific limits, but now it's fairly common knowledge that snowboarding is balls to the wall.
In my mind, technical writing is at the same point that snowboarding was one year ago: Balls only halfway across the room. In other words, on the cusp of greatness. Being on the cusp of greatness without actually being great is like beating a paraplegic in a speedwalking contest. Trust me, I've won several times, and it's just not very rewarding.
I haven't been in the game long, but I'm already beginning to shake things up. Yesterday, one of my co-workers came to me with an article I had supposedly written, complaining that every step in the procedure was mistakenly labeled #1.
Co-worker: Hey, can you fix this? It looks like every step was mistakenly labeled #1.
Erik: Oh really? Why don't you take another peek at that?
Co-worker: Ok...yes, they're still all #1.
Erik: No, I mean are you sure I didn't intentionally do that?
Co-worker: I have no idea, I was just trying to help you out, I don't...
Erik: Welcome to no-limits tech writing, fool!
Sure, it will be difficult to reference any particular step in a document where every step is #1, but so be it. The article is now dominant, causing all other articles with a conventional numbering structure to slink silently away in shame.
Aside from the new numbering scheme, my other main idea is to put a creative short story (true crime genre) in the middle of excessively boring articles. And no one will skip that story, because midway through a technical document, people can be frustrated and they will want to be touched by the magic of storytelling.
Another oft-followed rule which I will be obliterating is the one about not making the reader feel inadequate. Being polite has its place, but c'mon, how many times can you say 'please see section 9-1', before you start to sound like a desperate homeless person groveling for respect? The fact is, people are naturally drawn to dominance. Does the human desire to be dominated stop once one begins to read a technical document? Based on the success of the S&M industry, I'm guessing "no."
Finally, let's address one of the most popular myths in technical writing, "The simpler the better." Well, yes and no. If simple means using less than 9 arrows per figure, then no. The old technical writing rules are out the window, friends. This is a new dance, and in the new dance, there are lots of arrows. Example:
As you can see I used a combination of the multiple arrows and S&M rules, in order to make a dominant pictorial. Ultimately, it's not important if my methods are never widely adopted. Drawing multiple arrows and ordering people around is its own reward.
What to do now
#1. After you're finished commenting on this post and visiting your S&M sites, you can quickly close your browser window by pressing ALT + F4 on your keyboard.
#1. C'mon, it's a basic keyboard shortcut, it's not brain surgery.
Ticket for: Sucking
