V is for Victory

Happy Valentine's Day, everybody. Ok, think of your favorite flower. There, that's your Valentine's present, I hope you like it. More specifically, if anyone out there thinks Valentine's Day is awesome, send me an email, and we can discuss topics like how an awesome holiday could trot right up and kick you in the nuts, and you might not know it. Checking inbox...ok, no new messages, I didn't think so.

It is essential that everyone understand the following: I'm not here to kill all the exciting buzz which surrounds this extraordinary holiday. Mainly, I couldn't find any extra buzz lying around. But it's certainly frustrating when I see so many recognize a holiday which has obviously run its course. Engaging in the Valentine ritual is like taking showers, or changing your underwear--no one really wants to do it, but people tell us we should, so that's that. Right? Who's with me on 5-day underwear, any takers? As for the women, most of them see the day as a new opportunity to watch the men in their life flail around for a day or two, and then flame out miserably. I'm not saying I've ever failed, because obviously that would make little to no sense. Yet I can see that for other men, the fear of failure might make for a stressful time, but not for me, like I said before.

You men out there can do what you want with Valentine's Day, but here's what I have planned, you might want to listen up: I'm dedicating Valentine's Day to myself. Talk about fail-safe. All that's really involved is shifting a few paradigms, and altering poorly-constructed world views which others (your wife or girlfriend) may have mistakenly had at one time. These world views are inconvenient as they relate to how much current enjoyment you are experiencing, and should be discarded post-haste. The details are unimportant. What's important is that you spend the entire day pondering dreamily the many gifts and treasures your significant other has yet to give you on this special day. Then, when your every fantasy has not been realized, be very silent until she asks you if anything is wrong. At this point, you say, "Oh, nothing. Let's just drop it."

Then, she will most likely drop you for acting like such a wuss, and she might have a point, but I'm not here to debate your girlfriend. Anyway, maybe you lose the love of your life as a result of following my advice. Who knows? Better yet, who cares? You will have made a stand against Valentine's Day, and I think you will always remember that. That memory, along with the flower from an earlier paragraph, is my gift...to the world. Thank You.