The Shortcomings Of Others Is A Big Theme in My Life

It's been too long kidlets, and I've missed you, as a matronly cheetah misses her tiny cublings, eaten perhaps only days previously by rabid hyenas. Since I'm confident the feeling is mutual, I'm going to share some of my recent adventures, gleaned mostly from a recent Snow Patrol concert I attended. Warning: These adventures may include several individuals who are (big surprise) not up to general standard.

I want to kick things off with a short memo to The Girl At The Snow Patrol Concert who thinks she's at a Jay-Z concert. Yeah, you. No one should be allowed to do any of the following things:

1. Sing "Big Pimpin" lyrics regardless of what song is being performed. To reiterate, Big Pimpin' is what you would sing at a Jay-Z concert, which you were clearly not at.

2. Flash 'West Side' symbol whenever you're really rocking out. Let's save that for when I'm posing for a picture with my cool guy buddies. Then it's okay, and is not lame.

3. Do the slow head bob combined with one-hand-overhead up-down motion. This did not sit well with me, as you are not at a free-style rap contest.

You must understand, this is not about me micro-managing your fun. This is about the fact that you are affiliated with neither the crips or bloods, nor are you a rapper. The lead singer for Snow Patrol is not a rapper, either. I am not a rapper, although the way many women respond to me often makes me wonder if I am. Maybe I actually am a rapper, now I'm not sure.

So, Me: Possible Rapper
You: Definitely Not Rapper

Other persons of low individual worth

Hey Guy At Concert with no ability to sense the presence of other objects or humans, even if they happen to be 1 inch away from you: If you could stash the texas tornado/whirling dirvish dance moves in the tool shed with your other epilepsy-inspired flailings, that would be optimal. Sure, I have some crappy, old-school dance moves too, but I sometimes make an effort to not bash into everything within a 15-foot radius. Thanks.

Hey Guy Making Out With Your Girlfriend for a solid 1.5 hour stretch, also known as the entire length of the concert: I get it, you really like your girlfriend. Or ecstacy. I hope the whirling dervish guy crashes into you.

Hey Guy writing this who is lashing out in frustration due to general inability to secure legitimate work: Nothing should stand in the way of great journalism. Superlative work, really top-notch. Keep it up. I mean that.

Hey Guy(s) who read my online application and resumes, and then delete them because you want to hire your friend: Your friend is meaningless in the grand scheme, and reeks of insignificance. On the flip-side, I am destined for greatness and will not soon forget your repeated snubbings. To summarize: If I see you on the street, there will be conflict.

I guess those are the main people recently who have not been as good as me. Next time I will try to bring a more positive attitude, and dedicate the entire post to raising awareness about homelessness and people having AIDS a lot. But I need to build up to that, and I need your support or I'll kill myself. No I'm kidding. See ya!